Dear MTV,
Are you fucking kidding me? Another season of The Hills is on it's way? Haven't you tortured us enough already? First of all let me just say that there have been a couple of times in my life where I have contemplated moving to L.A. Most recently was about six months ago when I left Seattle. Would you like to know what stopped me? Well, I imagined walking down Sunset Blvd, the sun is shining and I have sunglasses the size of Frisbees on. I'm doing a little shopping and looking for a place to have lunch. Right as I turn a corner, BAM! this bright light penetrates through my sunglasses and I notice the camera crew. Your thinking "Yea, this IS L.A." I know, but this is no ordinary camera crew. It's the crew for The Hills! Sitting at a table is Lauren Conrad, and her best friend with cerebral palsy, Audrina Patridge. I observe as the two of them sit there in silence staring at one another, then staring down at their coffee, then staring at eachother, then their coffee. Coffee, eachother, coffee, eachother. It goes on for about five minutes, all the while no one is saying anything. The director yells "CUT! Great job girls!" and you all disperse. Ummmm, what the fuck was that?
You see, for a show that is on for 30 minutes, most of the time I notice there isn't much dialog. Actually strike that. For a show with Lauren Conrad as it's main character, I notice SHE has very little dialog. She sits on camera and gives her pouty fish face and mimes her way through scenes. Then we've got your cracker jack production staff who can't even edit a scene correctly. Example: Lauren is having a staring contest, errr conversation with Audrina. When the camera looks at Lauren, her hair is disheveled and pulled back in a ponytail, then the camera looks at Audrina and as it cuts back to Lauren, her hair is suddenly down and in perfect curls. Or how about when Spencer grows a beard in a matter of five minutes? Come on MTV, I can't be the only one who picks up on this crap!
The only saving grace to the show is it's two "villans" Heidi and Spencer... and Lauren should actually be kissing their ass! If it wasn't for the two of them spreading rumors Lauren had a sex tape and essentially drawing battle lines, the show probably would have been dead in the water by season two. I just want to know if those two Einsteins came up with the feud idea on their own or if you, MTV, helped them along in the process. So while I'm not happy about you bringing this shit sandwich of a show back for another season, at least I know there will be a slight chance for entertainment in that wasted 30 minutes of my life.
I just have one request though... You started the show with only a few cast members and somehow in three seasons you grew to about the same size as the cast from Beverly Hills 90210. NO MORE NEW CAST MEMBERS PLEASE! I don't think I can take another character with no personality sucking up screen time from someone who might actually speak! Oh, one more request- give Lauren some coke or adderall. Just slip it in her coffee and I guarantee you'll have enough footage in one day for the whole fourth (and hopefully final) season.
Are you fucking kidding me? Another season of The Hills is on it's way? Haven't you tortured us enough already? First of all let me just say that there have been a couple of times in my life where I have contemplated moving to L.A. Most recently was about six months ago when I left Seattle. Would you like to know what stopped me? Well, I imagined walking down Sunset Blvd, the sun is shining and I have sunglasses the size of Frisbees on. I'm doing a little shopping and looking for a place to have lunch. Right as I turn a corner, BAM! this bright light penetrates through my sunglasses and I notice the camera crew. Your thinking "Yea, this IS L.A." I know, but this is no ordinary camera crew. It's the crew for The Hills! Sitting at a table is Lauren Conrad, and her best friend with cerebral palsy, Audrina Patridge. I observe as the two of them sit there in silence staring at one another, then staring down at their coffee, then staring at eachother, then their coffee. Coffee, eachother, coffee, eachother. It goes on for about five minutes, all the while no one is saying anything. The director yells "CUT! Great job girls!" and you all disperse. Ummmm, what the fuck was that?
You see, for a show that is on for 30 minutes, most of the time I notice there isn't much dialog. Actually strike that. For a show with Lauren Conrad as it's main character, I notice SHE has very little dialog. She sits on camera and gives her pouty fish face and mimes her way through scenes. Then we've got your cracker jack production staff who can't even edit a scene correctly. Example: Lauren is having a staring contest, errr conversation with Audrina. When the camera looks at Lauren, her hair is disheveled and pulled back in a ponytail, then the camera looks at Audrina and as it cuts back to Lauren, her hair is suddenly down and in perfect curls. Or how about when Spencer grows a beard in a matter of five minutes? Come on MTV, I can't be the only one who picks up on this crap!
The only saving grace to the show is it's two "villans" Heidi and Spencer... and Lauren should actually be kissing their ass! If it wasn't for the two of them spreading rumors Lauren had a sex tape and essentially drawing battle lines, the show probably would have been dead in the water by season two. I just want to know if those two Einsteins came up with the feud idea on their own or if you, MTV, helped them along in the process. So while I'm not happy about you bringing this shit sandwich of a show back for another season, at least I know there will be a slight chance for entertainment in that wasted 30 minutes of my life.
I just have one request though... You started the show with only a few cast members and somehow in three seasons you grew to about the same size as the cast from Beverly Hills 90210. NO MORE NEW CAST MEMBERS PLEASE! I don't think I can take another character with no personality sucking up screen time from someone who might actually speak! Oh, one more request- give Lauren some coke or adderall. Just slip it in her coffee and I guarantee you'll have enough footage in one day for the whole fourth (and hopefully final) season.
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