Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Snap: Whitney Houston

SHH! I don’t want her to hear us! Yes, I’m talking about our favorite little junky, Miss Whitney Houston. If I have learned one lesson in life that has rang true the most, it’s to never fuck with a crack head. Those bitches will cut you… in your face! But I’m willing to take that risk if you promise to not read this out loud. Miss Houston has been on serious undercover mode since her split with Bobby Brown. Until last week…

Whitney popped up at some nightclub hand in hand with none other then Ray-J. Yes, Brandy’s brother. Do you remember Brandy? She was that chick with unbeweaveable braids, playing the part of Moesha on TV. You know what I never thought about until now? What the hell is their last name? Both of them are semi-famous (I use that term LIGHTLY) and neither have last names in their “stage” name. I thought that was reserved for icons like Aretha, Madonna, Diana (The princess, not the hot mess from the Supremes.) You get my point. Iconic people.

But I’m getting off topic… Miss Houston! Yes, she was looking a little “tired” in those photos of her and Ray-J. I can’t tell if that’s what drugs have DONE to her, or if it's what they are DOING to her. If I had to guess, I don’t even think she knew that she was with Ray-J. I’m pretty sure she thought it was 1985 and he was Bobby Brown. That’s just my guess.

So Miss Houston, if you are reading this- start stirring that crazy in your coffee every morning and get out in public more! My tivo has been sitting idle for a bit now, but it has been DYING to catch something of yours that will upstage your Diane Sawyer interview:

Whitney: “Do you know? Do you? Do you Diane?”
Diane: “No, I don’t. you do.”
Whitney: “Thank you.”
Whitney: “Crack is cheap… I make way too much money to ever smoke crack, let’s get that straight. We don’t do crack… Crack is whack, mmmkay Diane?”

Well it may be whack, but like my feelings for you, the cravings come back… So get out there and whip up something deliciously awful. Think Britney Spears’ performance at the VMAs last year and build from there!