Thursday, June 5, 2008

SNAP: Lil Kim

Dear Lil Kim,

I have been lacking in terms of keeping up with these blog posts. The reason why is because I couldn’t think of anyone in the celebrity world to praise. Coming up with a bunch of CRACKLE posts is easy because, well, I don’t like many people. But to get a SNAP- that’s something that needs to be earned. So I took a week to really think about who someone was that I have loved for a long time and that is relevant in pop culture. The answer should have come sooner then a week. It hit me when I was listening to your remix of Snoop Dogg's “Sexual Seduction.”

I fell in love with you back when you released your first mainstream album, Hardcore. The song that I will probably never forget the lyrics to is “Not Tonight.” The public knew the clean version that was on the radio with Da Brat and Missy Elliott, but people who owned the album knew a different version with the chorus being “I don’t want dick tonight, eat my pussy right.” That to me is lyrical gold... And there you were, all 5 ft, 90 lbs of you- clad in metallic bikinis with fur boots and gold chains. If I were straight, I think that look would turn me on… instead I was just amazed by your bold fashion choices.

Then there was the moment that will go down in Pop Culture history. Diana Ross jiggled your boob on live television at the MTV Music Video Awards! Who else can ever have that bragging right?!? You were trying to out-do Jennifer Lopez from the year before with her green Versace dress, I think. Little did you know that Ms. Ross was going to go Lezbetarian on your ass. Ahh-mazing.

Then there was the whole jail thing. I think it’s honorable that you didn’t rat your friends out when all that shit went down. You were sentenced to a year in jail and you actually served your time with no whining or griping like every other celebrity in jail has done. You boosted your street cred and you came right back out of the slammer ready to work. So keep up the good work, just PLEASE don't get any more plastic surgery. Your only about one away from looking like a tranny version Michael Jackson... or a tranny-er Michael Jackson. Either way, it wouldn't be a good look girl.


1 comment:

Michael said...

Thanks, that was an enjoyable read.