Monday, May 12, 2008

CRACKLE: Jackie Warner



Dear Jackie,

For the past two years I have had to deal with looking at your ugly tranny face on BRAVO for your reality show Workout. The reason I do this is because you have got some serious man meat on that show and I like to pretend they are working ME out, but that's getting off topic... and turning me on thinking about it, so lets move on shall we?

First of all you remind me of my old boss that I worked for at a salon. Just like him, you have to let every one of your employees know that you are the boss at whatever cost. You belittle and undermine your trainers in front of their clients to make yourself feel better about not being born with a penis. If you were a dog (which isn't a far stretch by the way) you would be dry humping everyone to let them know you are the dominant bitch of the pack. Why Bravo keeps you on the air is a mystery to me, but I am not your core *cough*dyke*cough* demographic, so I suppose that's why I don't get it.

Now let's get to my reason for this post... Brian Peeler was one of your trainers for the last two seasons. Sure, he could be an asshole sometimes, but he really didn't deserve half the shit you threw at him. Just because he has a huge package (did anyone see the episode of him showering in his underwear?) and your strap-on doesn't even measure up, it's not a reason to be an outright cunt to him all the time. Anyway, his friend was in town and so they decided to do a training session together. As they are working out, you and your ironically fat-ass gym manager are sitting in your office and making fun of his friends fake tits. Do you ever have those moments in your life that you replay over and over again in your head thinking "STUPID! STUPID!"? That should be one of those moments, because what you and thunder thighs didn't know was that the woman had a boob job because she had breast cancer and had to have some of her breast removed. Also, what you didn't know was that her boyfriend was outside your office and heard the whole thing.

So when Brian comes to confront you, instead of apologizing for your faux pas, you threaten to fire him if he doesn't shut up- because you are way too into yourself to admit you fucked up. Then you fired that hot piece of ass... Bad lesbian! Bad, BAD lesbian! Anyway, just like my boss at the salon, Karma has come around and bit you right in your down syndrome inflicted face. Propel water has just dropped sponsorship for your show and something tells me that they are just the first. You have lost my respect lady, not that you had much of it to begin with, but now it's all gone.

As a side note I do have to tell you... Way to reinforce the stereotype for lesbians! I nearly spit my vodka cran through my nose during the episode where you explained that four hours into your first date, you and your girlfriend decided you were in love and moved in together. Did she spend the day packing her belongings before the date? Best of luck to the two of you!

1 comment:

DMoney said...

WOOORD! I am so glad you said something about this! I could not believe what I was watching, what an ego trip! I don't think I will ever be able to watch that show again! Could not have said it better! xo D$